Tuesday, January 20, 2009

True love..













Yesterday I went to Woodbury Commons Outlets for some much needed gear. I went with Maria, Chris and Kelley. It had been months since any of us had been in car and who knows when we last listened to a radio station. Long and behold, we found ourselves in the midst of a romance/love/80’s music marathon and it was a good thing because we probably couldn’t sing along to any of today’s top 40 hits! LOL. During one of the classic love songs, I started to think “When was the last time my heart was filled with so much love for another person?” or “When was the last time my heart was broken then taking months/years to pass by before love could enter it again?”




The answer left me speechless; it was before I moved to New York City. I asked the crew the same question and we all agreed, except for Maria but she’s a native so it doesn’t count. Why is it so hard to find love in NYC? I mean beside the obvious, being there’s just way too many people and it is just too easy to have a new “boo” every week. Or for those who don’t believe in monogamy it’s just too easy to meet your 2nd ,3rd ,4th relationship. New York City is arguably the best city in the world and the opportunities are endless (both personally and professionally) but I could never find my other half here. Call me old fashion but I believe in monogamy, building a family (as unconventional as it may be) and having/nurturing a lifetime partner who would love and respect me for who I am inside, as I would reciprocate the actions.




I hate it when one of my friends tells me, you are just an amazing person and don’t understand why I’m single. Well the only answer I have to that statement is that God is working on a common trail that will soon bridge the gap between our lives. My faith has never been stronger, so I understand it just isn’t my time to meet my lifetime partner. But that doesn’t mean my heart isn’t in pain, wishing I’d have a companion and be able to share my successes (to-date).



All being said, there has been some close calls in NYC but for some reason they all came with baggage. I’m not saying I haven’t gone through a lot and that some experiences have left a sore taste in my mouth. But life is like a box of chocolate, you just never know what you’re going to get. As cliché as it, Forrest Gump was right! Life is a series of experiences, some are bad and some are good. Some will knock you down and keep you down for days/months/years, but we must STAND UP. More importantly, we must LEARN from our mistakes and learn how to avoid repeating them (easier said than done, but u get my drift). So when I come into a new potential relationship, I don’t bring my past in my carry-on luggage. I just hope for the best. That’s right, I’m one of those hopeless romantics and I will never change. Love is such an amazing/inexplicable feeling that no matter how much pain it brought me during a break up, I will never give up the opportunity of letting it back into my heart. I've had 2 great loves in my life, one in college and one in Atlanta, everything after that (aka moved to NYC) has been close calls.



For the 4 potentials that could have been, while living in NYC. First one had trust issues and as beautiful as the outside was, the inside was just…well A HOT MESS!




Second one is arguably the one I would have spent the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, the 5 years age difference (younger than me) does make a difference and while we did try the friendship angle. Last week I came to realize that my good friend Kate, who was anti the ex becoming a friend movement, was right. My heart was (and still is to an extent) too attached and I have got to just let go! I want to believe that I am not the only one of my friends in the same boat. You see someone that is good and has the basic qualities you are looking for in a life partner. You both value monogamy, you both want a family, you both share the same ethnic upbringing that only another "Hispanic" could understand and you both have accomplished quite a bit considering your childhood environment. But then subjects (just one of many) like marriage come up and the other person has a completely different view and you start to "compromise" when in fact you are a strong believer of marriage. In the middle of the conversation you realize how immature this person is and you start to think, if only you were 4 years older we would not be having this conversation. It just hurts my heart to let you go and as much as everyone has told me (but more importantly, I know better), I keep on holding on to you. Despite the others you have dated, I continue to hold a spot for you in my heart. This isn't healthy and I just have to let you go. In a way, it is a blessing in disguise that I am leaving the country and will hopefully serve as a good "break/ending".





Third one is one where I learned the power of patience and how to not rush into things. Unfortunately, I ended this one because of illegal drug use. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge anyone and granted I’ve never done any sort of drugs, I just don’t understand why people do it. What you do…is your business. But when I picture my life in 10 years, working dad, teaching my little ones about life and its hardships. The last thing I want to worry about is my partner overdosing or doing something stupid because they were under the “influence”. Folks life is complicated enough as it is, why would you consciously add another factor to the unknown equation of life?





And last but not least, Forth one is one who I met on match.com and was the complete package. Owned his own business, house, car, same age, great body, good friends and… (you get it!). Except for the fact that he wanted to “move-in” after week number THREE. :-O I mean I thought I move fast, but 3 weeks? NO WAY JOSE!





So now I sit and ponder what the next few months will bring, where it will take me and whether or not my time in New York City has come to an end. Most of my friends continue to say you’ll come back; you are the Chrysler building... But folks, I’m getting old and building a family is becoming my #1 priority.





Stay tuned...

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