I can honestly say that I did not expect the events that occur in the past week, but one thing I can expect from God is CHANGE IS INEVITABLE. Go with change and you just might enjoy life to the fullest. And to say the least I learned that I have changed, who knew living outside the US for past 5 months would change me and without knowing it did. Here’s the breakdown of what happened:
Sat, June 6
The dreaded day Erik and I knew would come. L Erik stayed the night and took me to the airport. My flight was of course delayed because of weather conditions in Miami. Erik had to leave at 4pm but stayed til my flight left and was just such a sweetheart. I actually got part of my crying out of the way on the car ride to the airport (managed to hide it from Erik). We were at the airport lounge enjoying each other’s company until we faced the inevitable and went for our last kiss (god my heart still hearts just thinking of it). I continued cry-fest-palooza in the plane while I watched all the photos we took, while listening to a mix’d CD he burnt for me.
I got to Miami and had VIP red carpet treatment by longtime friend Johan. He picked me up in swanky Lexus SUV and had pre-party drink on-hand and headed to South Beach, Miami, FL. We went to Halo and began drinking non-menu items, it seems my dear friend is a bit of an exclusive member of this public venue. I hadn’t drank much alcohol for the past 3 weeks (Erik doesn’t drink) and it just took 2 drinks at Halo to know that nite was going to be ONE HOT MESS! And it was because apparently we went bar hoping and I don’t remember anything until the following morning. I <3 South Beach!
Sun, June 7
June 7, 2009 marks the one year anniversary of my uncle’s (the only father figure I had) death. It was a day spent with family, we remembered the good times and cried/cried/cried. I am totally fine with death, I know it’s inevitable. I just cry because I wish I could share all the successes and setbacks with loved ones. That’s all I have to say on this subject.
Mon-Wed, June 8-10
Welcome back festivities shared with friends. All located on my facebook, duh! LOL. But special shout-outs to Roxane, Monica, Jimmy, Tina, Eli and Marco (my bros to the death).
Thur, June 11
Flying to NYC! I was finally settled into my swank Greenwich Village (Leroy/Bleecker) accommodations, when I got a call from Jacky (cousin of mine that works in internal PR for highfashion brand) and said there’s an “IT” party 4 blocks from where I was. Greenhouse is one of those places you just have to go and see, no other words can explain it. I went because I wanted to catch up with my girls and when I got it, I was quickly reminded of the swank lifestyle I once had.
I have been living in 3rd world (aka developing) countries and while Brazil/Mexico tries to have a swank/posh scene, you just can’t compare to NYC. My introduction into could not have been more memorable. It was the who’s who of the fashion/entertainment industry. Tyson B made a brief appearance, like with many celebs my friend have to point them out (I’m just not good at it, sucks because I always seem to place myself amongst celebs and could never tell them apart from joe-smo). There was a jet player that was beautiful and I am still convinced he plays for my team (no confirmation, as of yet-teehee). The rest of what happened that nite is on FB, vids included.
I was tired but Jacky said there’s an after party at the owner of SoBe drink’s swank penthouse. Suddenly, I found my second wind. LOL. Vids on FB.
Friday, June 12
The much anticipated, Welcome back to Verlaine, party was here! I wasn’t expecting more than 5-7 friends and ended up taking over half the bar. I <3 every single person that came, thanks y’all. Since I’m not sure where I’ll b in life, I’ll just leave the details to those that were there. But I will say this, HOT F’ING MESS!! Roman came by and took me to No Parking, another great nite of dancing!
Sat-Sun, June 13-14
Most of Saturday was spent recovering, but that was fine because NYC’s weather sucked! L
But I had a full nite of events, starting with Matt’s bday in NYU area. Then off to see Jamie (who was in town for one nite) in East Village. 3rd on the list, went to see Juan/Step for Kaymi’s bday in Lower East Side. Then Roman picked me up and we headed to my #1 spot in Queens – Atlantis. Unlike previous nites, little drinking was involved as I just wanted to dance! The club was not as packed as usual, but I want to believe it was because of PR parade festivities in manhattan. Worked out for me cuz it gave me more dancing space- LOL. There was a minor of a setback throughout the nite but this person does not deserve the time/effort it takes to write about him. I will say this much, with so much I wanted to say I pretty much sum’d it up with 2 words, Grow up. (for my blog followers, I finally got closure and feel a huge weight off)
Sunday was spent hanging with Claire in the apartment, then went uptown for pre-party drinks at David’s swank harlem apartment. The four of us headed to Madison sq park for NYC’s biggest BBQ event, then hung out with “Ms. PR” at subways and headed back uptown for more drinking. I ended the nite with Angelo/Roman at Hiro. Without a doubt Hiro delivered another great NYC house music dancing event and for FREE! Again, pics/vids on FB.
Summary
And there you go folks, in just 7 days I got to:
1. say goodbye to someone very special to my heart in Mexico City,
2. reunited with long-time friends/family in Miami,
3. reflected on the past year after my uncle’s death,
4. got red carpet treatment entrance to both Miami and NYC,
5. reunited with friends in NYC,
6. reunited with my favorite spots in NYC (Verlaine, No Parking, Atlantis and Hiro) and
7. finally got closure with the Cuban (and while it was unexpected, I knew God would assure our paths would cross – I just have that kind of relationship with the big G)
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Friends “with benefits”, playing with fire or does it work?
About 4 weeks ago, I went clubbing with friend and he took me to Lipstick (one of Mexico City’s “it” gay nightclubs). We instantly clicked as friends and were enjoying the rooftop bar, after about an hour/or so I told him I wanted to go down and dance. Long and behold, I see his guy with a unique way of dancing and when he smiled at me, I no one else mattered and I could not keep my eyes off of him. After minutes of flirting, we finally introduced ourselves (let’s call him “Erik”) and we were inseparable.
I knew he was new to the scene when about 10 minutes into our conversation, he said “What are you looking for?” and I responded “well it would be nice to have a long term relationship but that comes with time”. He continued to say he just got out of a relationship and isn’t looking for something serious, I replied with a smile “how about we just be friends (with benefits)”.
Friends with benefits was my plan and I told myself that it would be a great thing to have in Mexico. I could have a friendship and not tie any feelings, but even as I said it at the beginning I knew that there was a possibility of it backfiring. So for the next week, we chatted and texted (because I was out of town) and the moment I got back in town (week 2) we met for coffee. This lead to a series of very romantic dates, which grew into meeting his closest friends.
3 weeks later, we see each other 5-7 times a week and every time I see him I get the biggest smile and joy inside my heart. We finally admitted our feelings last night and decided to avoid the long distance drama and just be friends. Only God knows what the future holds. The only thing I do know is that my last 3 weeks in Mexico City were amazing and I got to spend it with an amazing/beautiful person who offered nothing but his kind soul.
I will miss the nights where I feel asleep under his arms, the passionate kisses and most of all the warm feeling I get inside when I see him. My last relationship was about a year ago and while I do know meeting Mr. Right takes time, I can’t complain about meeting this guy in Mexico. Better to have “loved” than to never have “loved”, right? I know we will have a friendship and I look forward to the next time I meet a guy that gave me what Erik did.
My answer to the topic is playing with fire, but I’d love to hear what you guys/gals think.
I knew he was new to the scene when about 10 minutes into our conversation, he said “What are you looking for?” and I responded “well it would be nice to have a long term relationship but that comes with time”. He continued to say he just got out of a relationship and isn’t looking for something serious, I replied with a smile “how about we just be friends (with benefits)”.
Friends with benefits was my plan and I told myself that it would be a great thing to have in Mexico. I could have a friendship and not tie any feelings, but even as I said it at the beginning I knew that there was a possibility of it backfiring. So for the next week, we chatted and texted (because I was out of town) and the moment I got back in town (week 2) we met for coffee. This lead to a series of very romantic dates, which grew into meeting his closest friends.
3 weeks later, we see each other 5-7 times a week and every time I see him I get the biggest smile and joy inside my heart. We finally admitted our feelings last night and decided to avoid the long distance drama and just be friends. Only God knows what the future holds. The only thing I do know is that my last 3 weeks in Mexico City were amazing and I got to spend it with an amazing/beautiful person who offered nothing but his kind soul.
I will miss the nights where I feel asleep under his arms, the passionate kisses and most of all the warm feeling I get inside when I see him. My last relationship was about a year ago and while I do know meeting Mr. Right takes time, I can’t complain about meeting this guy in Mexico. Better to have “loved” than to never have “loved”, right? I know we will have a friendship and I look forward to the next time I meet a guy that gave me what Erik did.
My answer to the topic is playing with fire, but I’d love to hear what you guys/gals think.
Friday, May 29, 2009
1 week left in Mexico City
I can’t believe how time has flown. So much has happened in the short time I was in Mexico, approx 5 weeks that I don’t know where to begin. I got to Mexico City and in just 2 days I was a part of history. While the swine flu did bring fear/uncertainty into my life, it also brought fame. Who would have thought that I would be broadcast all over the world, on one of the most reputable channels (CNN). Another few days pass by and I experience my first earthquake! I seriously thought about returning back home where it was “safe”, but I strongly believe on the cause I came to work on (fight against homophobia) and decided to stay.
For the next 2 weeks I began reporting for CNN and learned a lot about what get’s placed on TV, internet and what doesn’t make the cut. Once the city lifted its sanctions, the city came alive like no other and I finally got to enjoy the nightlife I heard so much about. On my first Saturday, I went out with a new friend I met online (nonsexual for those freaky friends I have reading this-LOL). It was here that I met this guy who danced with such passion and when our eyes met, his smile made my heart stop. We ended up hanging out the rest of the night and he immediately said he can’t commit because he just got out of a relationship. I, of course, am quite use to these type of response and just said cool we can be friends (broken record- I KNOW!). His name is Erik.
A few days later I headed out to Oaxaca, Mexico where the campaign against homophobia was underway. But on my bus ride there, I got a call from Erik and he wanted to see if we could get coffee. My heart just melted because he asked me as if it was a date and I told him I would call him when I get back to D.F. During the 5 days I was at Oaxaca, I literally had a nonstop party/work schedule. Wake up early in the morning to help out with the campaign and at about 11pm we shifted to bars/clubs/drinking fest. I was in heaven but I knew I was dragging my body into exhaustion. I made a lot of friends while I was in Oaxaca and I was very sad to go. People here had no attitude, unlike the folks in D.F.
Once I got back to D.F. I immediately sent a text to Eric and we decided to head out for coffee that Thursday. We ended up grabbing coffee and walking alongside Paseo de Reforma, during one of Mexico City’s most beautiful nights, clear skies/light breeze and we kissed for most of the night. He drove me back home and I was left in cloud 9. For the past 2 weeks, we’ve spent as much time together and we told ourselves we would not mix feelings because we both knew this would end June 6. A few days ago, we both agreed that while we did not want it, feelings are now involved. I keep avoiding June 6 and just keep living and loving every minute I have with him. He makes me smile and brings joy into my heart.
With regards to everything else, I already told the nonprofit that my last day is next Monday and I am feeling sad (again!). I met a lot of cool people here and it kind of sucks that it has to end but I am getting use to it (first with Mercer folks, then Promundo and now Demysex). It’s not my favorite part of the last few months but it's become a part of life.
I’m taking the next week off from volunteering and exploring the part of Mexico City that was shut down thanks to swine flu. And I will use my downtime to mentally prepare myself for my next journey (details will soon come out! I'm not officially announcing it until I obtain my work-visa).
The past few months that I have been living outside of the good ole USofA has brought me closer to the friends I have there. It has shown me who the true friends are and who the “need u for…” are. It has also brought closure to some and brought me closer to others.
May 2008, I was living a life of comfort and fortune and now May 2009, I am living the life I was destined to live.
For the next 2 weeks I began reporting for CNN and learned a lot about what get’s placed on TV, internet and what doesn’t make the cut. Once the city lifted its sanctions, the city came alive like no other and I finally got to enjoy the nightlife I heard so much about. On my first Saturday, I went out with a new friend I met online (nonsexual for those freaky friends I have reading this-LOL). It was here that I met this guy who danced with such passion and when our eyes met, his smile made my heart stop. We ended up hanging out the rest of the night and he immediately said he can’t commit because he just got out of a relationship. I, of course, am quite use to these type of response and just said cool we can be friends (broken record- I KNOW!). His name is Erik.
A few days later I headed out to Oaxaca, Mexico where the campaign against homophobia was underway. But on my bus ride there, I got a call from Erik and he wanted to see if we could get coffee. My heart just melted because he asked me as if it was a date and I told him I would call him when I get back to D.F. During the 5 days I was at Oaxaca, I literally had a nonstop party/work schedule. Wake up early in the morning to help out with the campaign and at about 11pm we shifted to bars/clubs/drinking fest. I was in heaven but I knew I was dragging my body into exhaustion. I made a lot of friends while I was in Oaxaca and I was very sad to go. People here had no attitude, unlike the folks in D.F.
Once I got back to D.F. I immediately sent a text to Eric and we decided to head out for coffee that Thursday. We ended up grabbing coffee and walking alongside Paseo de Reforma, during one of Mexico City’s most beautiful nights, clear skies/light breeze and we kissed for most of the night. He drove me back home and I was left in cloud 9. For the past 2 weeks, we’ve spent as much time together and we told ourselves we would not mix feelings because we both knew this would end June 6. A few days ago, we both agreed that while we did not want it, feelings are now involved. I keep avoiding June 6 and just keep living and loving every minute I have with him. He makes me smile and brings joy into my heart.
With regards to everything else, I already told the nonprofit that my last day is next Monday and I am feeling sad (again!). I met a lot of cool people here and it kind of sucks that it has to end but I am getting use to it (first with Mercer folks, then Promundo and now Demysex). It’s not my favorite part of the last few months but it's become a part of life.
I’m taking the next week off from volunteering and exploring the part of Mexico City that was shut down thanks to swine flu. And I will use my downtime to mentally prepare myself for my next journey (details will soon come out! I'm not officially announcing it until I obtain my work-visa).
The past few months that I have been living outside of the good ole USofA has brought me closer to the friends I have there. It has shown me who the true friends are and who the “need u for…” are. It has also brought closure to some and brought me closer to others.
May 2008, I was living a life of comfort and fortune and now May 2009, I am living the life I was destined to live.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Closure
Earlier this week I wrote about “What to do with unanswered emails/calls” and asked my peeps for their input. I got quite a number of “forget his a$$”, as well as some great advice but the one that topped it all was “Sometimes you just don’t get closure from the other person”. This was the best advice I’ve received this year and definitely on my top list. All of my relationships have had closure; some were good while others not so good, some I initiated and others I was the recipient.
This “thing” (just can’t call it a relationship because it wasn’t) was very persistent in keeping me in his life. Even went so far as to say, I want your friendship in my life and of course I was idiot and believed him. I hid my feelings just so that I can hang around him. Whenever he needed me, I would make time out of my busy schedule to console him and give him advice. I tricked myself to believe this was just a friendship, when in fact my heart was on a very different page.
And now it’s been one year, I’ve been out of the country for months now and have thought about which friendships matter to me. He was on top of my list. After countless emails and a voicemail, I have now come to realize that he has moved on. What I did to deserve this, I am still unclear. But whatever it was, no one deserves the silent treatment. And so I’m FINALLY taking the advice some friends have voiced from the beginning (yes KG, u were one of them) and cutting him out of my life.
Closure would have been ideal because it would mean friendship is a possibility (after x months of course) in the future. But as I went through my aim/gmail settings and created filters where I would never see a letter from him, I have come to terms that this “thing” has no future. My biggest fear was that I would run into him in some random street in NYC (because Karma works that way for me), but now that I’m preparing to leave the US (to a country far-far away) on a 1yr contract, my fears have begun to diminish. Yes I’m still going to NYC for a quick visit in June and yes I’ll be staying in the same area (the Bronx) and yes we’ll probably end up at the same bar, but my fears are gone.
This topic has its irony because this guy I’m dating in Mexico is also going through a breakup and I’m here giving him advice to cut him out. I tell him, friendship will come but you need time apart from him. If only I could follow my own advice.
This “thing” (just can’t call it a relationship because it wasn’t) was very persistent in keeping me in his life. Even went so far as to say, I want your friendship in my life and of course I was idiot and believed him. I hid my feelings just so that I can hang around him. Whenever he needed me, I would make time out of my busy schedule to console him and give him advice. I tricked myself to believe this was just a friendship, when in fact my heart was on a very different page.
And now it’s been one year, I’ve been out of the country for months now and have thought about which friendships matter to me. He was on top of my list. After countless emails and a voicemail, I have now come to realize that he has moved on. What I did to deserve this, I am still unclear. But whatever it was, no one deserves the silent treatment. And so I’m FINALLY taking the advice some friends have voiced from the beginning (yes KG, u were one of them) and cutting him out of my life.
Closure would have been ideal because it would mean friendship is a possibility (after x months of course) in the future. But as I went through my aim/gmail settings and created filters where I would never see a letter from him, I have come to terms that this “thing” has no future. My biggest fear was that I would run into him in some random street in NYC (because Karma works that way for me), but now that I’m preparing to leave the US (to a country far-far away) on a 1yr contract, my fears have begun to diminish. Yes I’m still going to NYC for a quick visit in June and yes I’ll be staying in the same area (the Bronx) and yes we’ll probably end up at the same bar, but my fears are gone.
This topic has its irony because this guy I’m dating in Mexico is also going through a breakup and I’m here giving him advice to cut him out. I tell him, friendship will come but you need time apart from him. If only I could follow my own advice.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Mexico City Earthquake - May 22
Just filmed this for CNN and well let's just say I've gotten emails from Seattle to Miami that they saw me on CNN. This just doesn't get old!
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-261768
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-261768
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What do you do with unanswered emails/calls
So I'm struggling with a "friend" of mine that lives in NYC and wanted to see if anyone had some insights.
Background: We dated briefly; he didn’t want to commit and just wanted a friendship. We had a great year of intense flirting, both having other relationships on the side but whenever we got together regardless of our dating status we would both be on cloud 9. At one point I thought he was my soul mate but alas that thought is slowly fading. I say slowly because I don’t want to let the feeling go but the fact that he continues to ignore my calls/emails is pushing me further away. In March, I wrote him an email asking if he had time to get coffee (during my 3 day NYC trip) and I never heard back from him.
Current situation: So every 1-2 months, I go on for days thinking about him. I don't know if that's him calling out for me or if I get bored and need something to obsess about. This happened 2 weeks ago, when I also purchased a 1-way ticket to NYC in hopes of finding a permanent job there. I naturally asked him if I could crash at his place for a bit (yes I know, not the smartest of my ideas) but also said if he can’t, I still wanted to grab coffee. Once again, I didn’t get a response and I would call him but I lost his number during one of my many many cell phone replacements. (Side note: please don’t ever let me borrow any electronic devices; we just don’t get along-LOL)
So now it’s been 2 weeks since I last emailed him, I even asked for his number and he has yet to reply. I have gone over many scenarios from:
1. He’s just not the type of friend that responds
2. He’ll just wait till I get to NYC to talk
But in the end a good friend of mine wrapped it up beautifully: He’s not worth it if he doesn’t pay you the same amount of attention! This not only goes for friendships but also for your potential lifetime partner. Please re-read that statement, it is just so simple and often overlooked but those words are powerful and can help you ease your mind/soul. Your time/thoughts/values are unique and should never be “changed” for ANYONE.
If that person can’t value you as much as you value yourself (here’s where folks with low self esteem get caught), then that person is just not worth your time. It’s hard to move on, trust me we are all victims of this, but we’ve got to believe someone out there exists that will give you the attention/love/time you deserve.
I would love to hear from my friends, let me know what you think.
My feelings for this boy: Yes I do know that I have unresolved feelings for this boy, but I was cool with just a friendship. I continued to email/call him because throughout the time we've known each other he repeatedly said, he wants me in his life (friendship). And I said of course, but it is clear to me that it's under his terms and just that. And that he is just a selfish MoFo and while some of his friends are cool with that, this HONDURICAN is not! I have high expectations of my friends and in return I give it my all. In life, u get 3 types of friends.#1. come and goes #2. stay for an occasion or 2 and #3. lifetime. As most know, #3 group is a very small group.
Alanys I truly wanted u to be in the third group but I guess you were always meant for #2.
Faith/Karma: As I wrote my "last" email to Alanys, letting him know that he got his wish and it would be my last email/call to him. (Let's keep in mind that I have no clue what I did to deserve no responses but I figured he's going through some personal stuff. ) I was aim'ing with Claire who knows faith/karma will try to intervene. See folks, this isn't the first I tried to get "rid" of Alanys but for some reason or another, he always finds his way back into my life/heart. The last time I tried to cut him out, we literally bumped into each other on a random side street in NYC (a city of millions and our paths had to cross) and Claire was there to witness (and she too was dumbfounded). But as I told Claire, enough is enough. FCUK faith/karma I am intervening here and cutting him out. I don't care anymore whether he is suppose to be in my life or not but I can't take the hurt anymore.
Background: We dated briefly; he didn’t want to commit and just wanted a friendship. We had a great year of intense flirting, both having other relationships on the side but whenever we got together regardless of our dating status we would both be on cloud 9. At one point I thought he was my soul mate but alas that thought is slowly fading. I say slowly because I don’t want to let the feeling go but the fact that he continues to ignore my calls/emails is pushing me further away. In March, I wrote him an email asking if he had time to get coffee (during my 3 day NYC trip) and I never heard back from him.
Current situation: So every 1-2 months, I go on for days thinking about him. I don't know if that's him calling out for me or if I get bored and need something to obsess about. This happened 2 weeks ago, when I also purchased a 1-way ticket to NYC in hopes of finding a permanent job there. I naturally asked him if I could crash at his place for a bit (yes I know, not the smartest of my ideas) but also said if he can’t, I still wanted to grab coffee. Once again, I didn’t get a response and I would call him but I lost his number during one of my many many cell phone replacements. (Side note: please don’t ever let me borrow any electronic devices; we just don’t get along-LOL)
So now it’s been 2 weeks since I last emailed him, I even asked for his number and he has yet to reply. I have gone over many scenarios from:
1. He’s just not the type of friend that responds
2. He’ll just wait till I get to NYC to talk
But in the end a good friend of mine wrapped it up beautifully: He’s not worth it if he doesn’t pay you the same amount of attention! This not only goes for friendships but also for your potential lifetime partner. Please re-read that statement, it is just so simple and often overlooked but those words are powerful and can help you ease your mind/soul. Your time/thoughts/values are unique and should never be “changed” for ANYONE.
If that person can’t value you as much as you value yourself (here’s where folks with low self esteem get caught), then that person is just not worth your time. It’s hard to move on, trust me we are all victims of this, but we’ve got to believe someone out there exists that will give you the attention/love/time you deserve.
I would love to hear from my friends, let me know what you think.
My feelings for this boy: Yes I do know that I have unresolved feelings for this boy, but I was cool with just a friendship. I continued to email/call him because throughout the time we've known each other he repeatedly said, he wants me in his life (friendship). And I said of course, but it is clear to me that it's under his terms and just that. And that he is just a selfish MoFo and while some of his friends are cool with that, this HONDURICAN is not! I have high expectations of my friends and in return I give it my all. In life, u get 3 types of friends.#1. come and goes #2. stay for an occasion or 2 and #3. lifetime. As most know, #3 group is a very small group.
Alanys I truly wanted u to be in the third group but I guess you were always meant for #2.
Faith/Karma: As I wrote my "last" email to Alanys, letting him know that he got his wish and it would be my last email/call to him. (Let's keep in mind that I have no clue what I did to deserve no responses but I figured he's going through some personal stuff. ) I was aim'ing with Claire who knows faith/karma will try to intervene. See folks, this isn't the first I tried to get "rid" of Alanys but for some reason or another, he always finds his way back into my life/heart. The last time I tried to cut him out, we literally bumped into each other on a random side street in NYC (a city of millions and our paths had to cross) and Claire was there to witness (and she too was dumbfounded). But as I told Claire, enough is enough. FCUK faith/karma I am intervening here and cutting him out. I don't care anymore whether he is suppose to be in my life or not but I can't take the hurt anymore.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Oaxaca's first gay ceremony
It was an honor to have been invited to this very intimate and historical event. Check out my CNN report for videos/pics at:
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